Luckily, it has not been too eventful. There was no travelling and no concerts and no festivals and no parties. Mostly just study, study, studying, and a lot of self deprecation. I have battled with my thoughts for many years, and starting about a month ago, I could feel all the fear and negativity creeping back into my head. I had finally had enough, and decided one week ago that I would try to actively make myself feel better to combat the black cloud in my mind.
My efforts have truly helped. Going on runs in the forest near my house has been healing. Talking to my family has made me feel like I have more control over my fears for their safety. I feel like I'm not so in the dark on the state of their lives now that I've made more of an effort to communicate with them regularly, and therefore, I'm not quite so worried. Talking to others here has also made me feel heard and understood.
On Wednesday, the engineers went to the Uniklinik. After just a few hours of sleep and waking up 5 minutes before my bus was to come, I had a frazzled start to my day. Getting to the hospital, however, was wonderful. I started in the Outpatient clinic, something not so exciting but still interesting (the first procedure was a 3 year old with a hernia and the second was a sinus correction- which I've had myself). Later, I asked to move to cardiology and I watched a Cardiopulmonary bypass. My grandfather has had this procedure done, which made it even more interesting to watch. The anesthesiologists were very informative and helpful, and each procedure was enlightening. As the patient became unstable, I watched the professionals quickly take action. I was reminded of the beauty of science and my goal of being a physician. The day off to study the next day was needed as well.
Friday, I went to the Drachenburg Castle to see the last night of the light show with Marcus and Ryan Blanchard. It was a great stress reliever to be with friends and see modern art.
This past weekend, I was supposed to go to Milan. I was so excited, as it was the only place in Italy I had not been able to go yet. We had plans to go to the beautiful Lake Como as well, and it also just so happened to be fashion week in Milan! All for just 33 euros round trip. However, once hearing that I had a math test scheduled for 9 hours after my return from Milan, I decided it wouldn't be smart to lose the study time for that weekend, and cancelled the trip. I dragged my feet and was crushed about missing the memories there with friends, but I've decided now that I made the right decision. Although I didn't get too much studying done over the weekend, the rest and group study time I did get was essential to passing my math test. I may have barely passed, but I passed.
And finally, I'm writing this blog after a great Chi Gong session. A healing act after a healing act. Although I am under a lot of stress, I'm bringing myself back to center and I hope to recover as much as I can to continue enjoying this trip of a lifetime.
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