Reflections

It has been a little over two months since returning from my adventure abroad, and so I decided to finally sit down and finish the story of my family vacation and reflect on my experience.

After being reunited with my family in Venice, we rented a van and started our Great European Roadtrip. First, we drove to Croatia, where we explored the beautiful coast and visited the Plitvice Lakes National Parks. The people were extraordinarily welcoming (excluding one border guard), and the country was beautiful. From there, we traveled north to Bled Lake, Slovenia, and then onward to Switzerland. Nestled in the mountains, we spent several days visiting different Swiss towns and mountains, and the country had no shortage of scenery. I loved visiting Mount Titlus, where we braved the skybridge and sledded down the mountain, and afterwards we walked around the beautiful city of Lucerne. As our time began to draw to a close, we headed into Germany, visiting the Black Forest, Hohenzollern Castle, and Lichtenstein Castle. Then we were off to Strasbourg, France, and Heidelberg, Germany, before finishing in Frankfurt, where we boarded our flights to return home.

While my family only had been in Europe for two weeks, they were already excited to return to Texas, but for me, it was just the next destination in a long list of destinations. I was reunited with them, so the location did not matter to me; I was already home. Granted, I was excited for Texas food, driving, sleeping in my own room, seeing my dogs, and all of the other little comforts that had been absent from my life for four months. When my grandparents picked us up at the airport, our first destination was Chipotle (of course), and I was sure to savor my first meal on American soil. Being back in America had a weird sense of nostalgia and being in a foreign place at the same time. Even something as simple as driving down the highway or seeing signs in miles/hour was simultaneously new and different, but also an old memory. Perhaps because I had traveled so much to so many different places, I did not feel a "shock" at being back. I adjusted quickly and found myself at home, but the feeling of "different" stayed with me. Old friends seemed like new faces in some ways. Old routines had to be relearned, and old customs settled into. As I experienced this strange "nostalgia of newness" (I bet the Germans have a word for it), I realized that I had changed. I was not the same person who boarded a plane for Germany all those months ago. I came home with new perspectives and new understanding of the larger world I lived in, as well as a new understanding of some of the people in it. Honestly, I think I am still figuring out just how much I have changed. If I had to describe it, I would say I have matured, grown up. But, if I am entirely honest, I do not think I really expected this experience to have a huge impact on me. Going in to it, I had desires to discover new things and perhaps be impacted in a positive way, but deep down, I did not believe it would actually happen. When I listened to the "Hero's Journey" lecture, I thought it would be great if that happened, but that there was no way that it would. Then it did. I experienced struggles, missing home, getting lost, frustrations and worries. But I also experienced overcoming those things, growing through them, and entirely new cultures and ways of doing things. And those experiences changed me. When? I don't know exactly. Maybe it was riding the buses in Bonn, or hiking through Ireland or the Black Forest, or exploring a new city with my companions. Or, maybe, it happened a little bit each step of the way. While I do not know exactly when or where I was impacted, I will forever be grateful for this experience and these friends and look back at these memories with gratitude for such an amazing, impacting experience.

50 Cities Later

When Dr. Wasser asked for these to be uploaded on July 1^st, I had not even returned to the U.S. yet. I spent two months travelling Europe after our program ended, so I wanted to give myself some time to rest at home in Texas before I put pen to paper and attempted to describe my semester. But honestly, I don’t think a few weeks or even a few months is enough time to be far enough removed from this immersive experience to begin to tell its effects. But I shall attempt.

Going to Italy before Germany and travelling after Germany taught me many lessons separately, but since this is a blog about Germany Biosciences, I’ll try to limit my reflection to that. The four months I spent in Germany were the hardest 4 months of my last 7. Dealing with loneliness, sickness of family members, bad grades and feelings of inadequacy while being abroad was extremely challenging. I’m not sure that anyone except Dr. Wasser knew just how difficult the semester was for me.

After an intolerably difficult 2018, I expected this semester abroad to fix all my problems. I had been pummeled with difficulties and loss and I thought I would finally just enjoy myself. When that turned out to be wrong, and I was met with more challenges than I expected, I took it hard. One particularly difficult night, I remember not being able to sleep, tossing and turning and convincing myself I could not succeed and I should just go home. The next day, I met with Dr. Wasser and saw a therapist that week. And that was the beginning of something very important to the remainder of my life.

Feeling like I had help on my side gave me newfound strength. Talking to Reagan and Sarah and Anna encouraged me. I began doing things that were good for me; calling my dad more, going for runs, talking to Ana and my host mom, writing, reading, listening to podcasts. Kevin and Ryan brought me so much comfort when I was overwhelmed. And the inspiration I got from watching the talents and humor of the rest of the students was helpful to my personal growth. I began working much harder and coming to terms with my struggles. I began to feel capable again.

In Croatia, when I was nearly done travelling, I met a girl who had just started. We talked about my semester abroad and when she asked if I would do it again if given the chance, I said yes. Hesitantly, I reflected and said yes. This was the first time I had ever been given something I could not run away from. I couldn’t quit, or leave, or drop the class, or avoid the argument. I had to face my own issues head-on. This semester was the first time there was no loophole for me, and the first time I realized that I didn’t need one.

At the end of the semester, I read my goals I had written down in January. A warm feeling buzzed inside me as I realized I had achieved them. I worked hard to learn German, I saw the good in all the participants, I valued experiences over money, and I did not quit.

Being in Germany strengthened me and confronted me with my own flaws. It opened my mind to the rest of the world in a way I thought I was already open. I realized that the American way of life has much room for improvement, and so does my mindset. While I do love and appreciate America, I’ve come to learn that our routine, judgmental ways keep us from experiencing life at its fullest. I have determined that not only do I wish to continue traveling, but I’d like to move away from this country for some time to serve a community I am not yet familiar with. In a few years, when this immersive semester has done more work in my life, I hope I can come back to this blog and be reminded of where it all began.

Reflection and Nostalgia

Change for me has always seemed a slow process. I feel like I have been changing through different experiences and developing who I am over the course over 22+ years. That is, until I went to Germany. If I could describe the change figuratively, it would look like an exponential graph. I feel the exponential change started when I left my hometown to go to a college different than most of my high school class and it peaked with my experience in Germany. People asked before I left if I would be sad that I wouldn’t be in College Station for my last semester but after the program, I just felt like I went out with a bang. It rounded out my college experience so well and I learned so much about myself. Of course, I would’ve like to discover that the path I was pursuing wasn’t for me earlier so I might have changed course earlier, but I’m not sure I would’ve been ready if I had gone earlier. The timing of everything was crucial to my experience. I wouldn’t have met the people I did if I had gone earlier and I wouldn’t have been so open. I like to think of myself as open minded, but it wasn’t until Germany that I realized I was only open minded towards people I deemed worthy. I did not want to waste any time trying to know people with beliefs different from mine because that usually meant they thought my friends didn’t deserve to feel the way they feel. In Germany, stuck with the same group of people, I had to let all negative feelings go and made such wonderful memories with two people I wouldn’t necessarily have become friends with back stateside. I felt like most of the people there differed from me on ideals and beliefs, yet I was able to connect with everyone on such a deep level and grew to love every single one of them for who they were and what they brought to our friendship as well as what they taught me about myself. The group I went with ROCKED. Dr. Wasser picked a diverse group and I think it really showed that this is what A&M is about. Striving in whatever field you study while working with unique individuals, showcasing that diversity makes the world better. Everyone had something different to bring to the table. I was always learning new things with them. For my two closest friends, they constantly kept me on my toes. Whether it was being more accepting or challenging me, they made me better. Looking back, I’m not sure what kind of experience I would have had without the people I went with, especially Ana. It wasn’t until after that I realized just how supportive she was to me. Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever would’ve entertained being friends with her if I hadn’t been removed from my comfort zone and forced to be open. She was there for me when I felt lonely in that big house and was there for me when my cat that I had adopted at 11 and cared for since a kitten had to be put down and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I knew she was there for me and that made me able to process my emotions in a healthy manner. With the time difference, I couldn’t call my mom or friends whenever I was going through something, but I always knew I could call Ana and she would answer. Knowing she would be there allowed me to not call her so we could discuss things the next day.

This trip allowed me to connect with my emotions more deeply. The way I see myself and the world is so different now and I couldn’t even tell you when it happened. It was honestly the cumulation of all my experiences. Being in new countries, sometimes by myself, I gained appreciation for life. My favorite part about exploring was trying the native food because it tells a story of the people. For Germany, there are more Turkish influenced food than when I went in high school. I think that in turn brought in other cultural influences and seeing how welcoming Germany has become made me love the country even more. Beyond appreciation for others, I learned to appreciate myself more. When my friends were able to help me study and do well on exams, I remembered how much I love learning. I also learned how much I loved teaching! I’m still searching for what I want to do, with teaching being a distinct possibility, and this program and the people taught me that it was okay to let go of expectations and follow your dreams, regardless of how long it takes to find your passion. Before Germany, I liked a lot of things but after Germany I became passionate about things. Advocating, teaching, learning. This semester was the first time I studied the way that I did and was also my first fall/spring semester 4.0! Before I just relied on my base intelligence but this program taught me to work hard to achieve goals. It was also the first semester since freshman year that I didn’t take a women’s and gender studies class. I was so used to everyone around me caring about the same issues I care about and discussing with similar beliefs that in Germany I had a shock. Over there, I felt most of the people weren’t as passionate about the things I talked about and it taught me that that’s ok. People see things differently and even if I just made them think differently about an issue for a second, I think of that as a success. I can’t keep surrounding myself with like minded people because that just creates disparities and delays progress.

To reflect more on how I’ve changed and how I interact with the world now, I asked my family and friends what changes they’ve seen. For one, I am able to make a decision much quicker now and am less crippled by the pressure of choosing wrong. There were decisions I made in Germany that went well and ones that didn’t go well but the act of making those decisions and being able to experience so many different things ended up being what was important to me. My dad told me I live in the moment more now. I live in the present. And I enjoy it! The inhibitions that always held me back aren’t so important to me anymore. Sometimes I’d be in a new country only for the weekend so I didn’t have time to worry about the past or future and I was able to focus on the now. I learned to enjoy not only what I was doing but myself too.

As I write this now, the emotions from the semester are coming back and it’s flowing onto the page but before I started I wasn’t sure how I was going to write this. How could I put the way I felt into words? I’m not sure there’s enough words in the dictionary to describe what this program meant to me and I’m not sure if I’d ever be able to do it justice, but I’ve learned to accept myself and love whatever I put out into the world, especially when I put passion into it. I will never be able to go back to that time and I will never be able to truly understand everyone else’s experiences but I hope this gave y’all some insight into mine. Thanks for reading, love you all, and I hope to see you soon.

Danke Deutschland!

Hallo! Not my first time speaking German this summer. I say a few words here and there, just to keep it fresh!

It's hard to believe that it's been six weeks since my study abroad program ended. Only a few months ago, I was having the most incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experiences. I learned so much, visited various places, made amazing friends, and grew as a student and adult.

Being back in the US in general:

When I first landed in the US, I was so excited to see my family and finally be able to read signs! Though this may seem silly, it was nice to know what things around me truly said. Nevertheless, I appreciated being around so many languages in Europe. I really loved being able to travel for a few hours and land in a different country. Of course, most of my time was in Bonn. It didn't take long in either Germany or the US to realize how different Germans are from Americans. To be brief, Germans are very straightforward and honest; however, this did not come off as rude. In fact, my host family were some of the nicest people I've ever met. They always made me feel welcomed and cared for. :) While in Europe, I learned so much about its history; I enjoy sharing what I've learned with my family and friends. In addition, it's nice to be able to drive my own car. However, I didn't mind taking public transportation; in fact, I enjoyed that it was so accessible and better for the environment. Although it was quite a walk to my tram everyday in Germany, I do miss having that time to reflect on my day and enjoy the scenery. 🌼🍃

With respect to school:

This semester, I learned a lot more than I ever could have in a classroom. It's one thing to learn something in class and another to learn it in the real world, looking at what's being discussed. When we had normal classes, I really liked being at the old AIB -- our small program and the aged German building added to the experience abroad. Coming into the program, I didn't know what excursions were going to be like. Simply put, they were above and beyond my expectations!

I experienced and addressed stress in a different way. Normally, I have class until 4 PM (latest) and spend my night at the library. Likewise, I'm either studying and/or volunteering on the weekends. As I did well in school, this is what worked for me and what I thought was necessary. However, I quickly discovered that this routine was not possible abroad. I did not always have as much time as I would have liked on certain days, whether it was because my genetics class ended at 9 PM, day(s) long excursions, weekend travel, or Enmodes work. Knowing my semester was going to be busy, I used these time restraints as an opportunity to grow. Not only did my time management and studying skills improve, but so did my confidence. Using the time and materials I had, I approached each exam and challenge with optimism. In all, I'm proud that I was able to finish this semester with a 4.0 and a new way of approaching my education.

Final thoughts:

I am so happy and blessed to have had the opportunity to study in Bonn. I never thought I would have had the chance to experience so much in such little time, especially during my time at Texas A&M University. The Biosciences program exposed me to many things -- biomedical sciences in and outside of the classroom, history of Europe, dedicated mentors, beautiful landscapes, a wonderful host family, and great friends. It helped me become a more confident and independent adult. I can't wait to see what adventures are ahead!

Danke Deutschland! :)

No More Bad Luck Josh!

Six weeks away from Germany feels both long ago and just yesterday. It’s a strange feeling thinking back on all the amazing things I experienced while abroad. One thing I didn’t expect from this experience was the amount of growth that I had. I knew I would learn things, but I had no idea how much I would learn about myself and life in general. The semester was long, tiring, upsetting, lonely, and fun. More emphasis on the fun because I learned to enjoy my struggles. That may have been one of the best lessons I learned from all my experiences abroad. I have a history of having “bad luck” whatever that really is. I got the nickname “Bad Luck Josh” because so many little things happen to me that seem like their sole purpose is to try and put me back in life. But from my experiences I learned to enjoy these instances of “bad luck”; one thing is that they make for great stories! So, I try to stay away from saying I have “bad luck” now. I was blessed to have experienced so many crazy things and from them I grew with each experience. Even now, I look at every day as a blessing and an opportunity. An opportunity that won’t be ruined by a slight inconvenience. I don’t see any problem as something that I can’t handle.

Before I go too far into my own self growth, I want to talk about my initial thoughts of being back in the U.S. We had landed in Houston, where we would later be connected to San Antonio, and I felt uneasy. I wasn’t exactly relieved to be in America; in fact, I was more upset to be here. However, I think it was mainly because I was in Houston of all places. The last time I was in Houston was for someone very close to me that was no longer close to me anymore. I think my emotions were getting the better of me and making me not want to be there. Despite this initial uneasiness, it was nice to be able to communicate with pretty much anyone I came across. Seeing live basketball being played on TV was shocking to me. Being deprived of basketball for four months was rough, and finally seeing a game on TV was like seeing a long-lost friend. Once we landed in San Antonio, I was only anxious to see my family. I was without my biggest support system for so long; I couldn’t wait to finally see them again. Knowing my family, I knew there was going to be a big ole sign that says, “WELCOME HOME JOSH”. And lo and behold that’s exactly what they had! They even printed out pictures of my face and put them on sticks and were waving them all around. If I wasn’t so happy to see them, I would have been extremely embarrassed by them. When I stepped out of the airport, I felt like I was in a swamp! I was spoiled by the cool and relatively dry air that was in Europe. San Antonio was, like always, hot AND humid. My least favorite part of this city. My first meal back was some wonderful bean and cheese tacos from the BEST Mexican restaurant in the WORLD…taco cabana! That’s a joke by the way. I ate about six and a half tacos and my belly was very thankful. However, being back in San Antonio, I didn’t feel safe anymore. When I got to taco cabana, I witnessed a drug deal. While I was eating there, I saw two people outside sneak off behind a dumpster. Something I never saw while in Germany. It only took on hour in San Antonio to see that.

I didn’t realize how busy I was in Germany until I got to San Antonio. Suddenly, I had nothing to do. No responsibilities, no obligations, and no plans. I got restless very quickly and I was determined to do big things for the summer. I moved back to College Station to try and work in a lab and get a job in the university. Unfortunately, neither happened. I did get a chance to do some research, but it started a month after I had been accepted into the lab. All job interviews and BMEN lab interviews didn’t turn up with anything. At this point I’ve been rejected so many times I can’t even keep count. But this has still been one of the best summers I’ve ever had. It’s all because of what I learned abroad. I’m no longer phased by my failures. I failed a heck of a lot while abroad, and I’m only going to continue to fail. So, I just keep trying to move towards my goals and I know that something big is coming my way. I just need to be patient. Patience is something I gained a lot of. You must be patient when you take so many tours, bus rides, train rides, plane rides, and lectures. Being patient lets you appreciate all the wonderful things that you are going to see. That’s another thing I’ve learned. To be more appreciative of the things around myself. I have learned to take everything I experience as a blessing. I am blessed to be where I am. No matter how often I fail, or bad things happen to me, I am blessed. I’m going to continue to be blessed as long as I appreciate what I have. I’m thankful for everything I experienced in Europe. I wouldn’t change it in any way. Dankeschön Deutschland!

Danke Deutschland

Germany feels like a lifetime ago and just yesterday. Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I'm becoming one of those study abroad people with all the clichés. But, I feel truly like Europe changed me. Or maybe I should say the Europeans and my fellow travelers changed me.

Most Germans are very straight forward people. They do not beat around bush and ,if asked, they will probably tell you the straight up truth. But, don't take it personally! No, seriously. They mean nothing by it and if you are honest with them they won't take it personally either. I found myself in a car with Germans talking about politics (American and German) which for me is huge. I am a huge conflict avoider and politics always seems to cause heated debates. However, the Germans (at least the ones I met) would debate but would still like each other even after the debate was heated.  I felt free like my friendship to them wasn't based on whether I shared the same views but on the fact that I was me. This was a turning point. I realized that vocalizing my opinion and forming my own opinion (not theirs) was something not only accepted but actively encouraged by Germans. Little by little my fear of speaking my opinion hurting friendships is beginning to chip away.

I also met a large international community in Bonn. I met people from India, Angola, Kenya, Russia, Poland, South Korea, Jamaica, and Columbia. The Germans and many people in these international communities spoke multiple languages (three or more conversationally). To say the least, I was very impressed. However, if they can learn to do it, I can learn to do it to. Wish me luck on learning more German! 

To all my fellow Aggies I went on this trip with me, thank you from the bottom my heart. You have no idea how much even the smallest of gestures affected me. Thank you for inviting  me to be part of your group during the intercultural workshop project, for asking me if I was ok on the days I wasn't, for running with me through the woods, for making me laugh on days when homework threatened to bury us alive, for being my bodyguards/big brothers when I traveled, for welcoming my twin sister, for a late night talk over burgers in Brussels, for walking and talking with me on the Rhine the day that I cried, for making me laugh at the base of the Eiffel tower with your interesting theory, for helping me on any and every homework assignment, for keeping me calm on our crazy 14 hour adventure back to Bonn from Prague, for complimenting my fro in Vienna, but, most of all, I want to thank you all for taking the time to know and accept me for who I am. One of my biggest insecurities is that people will like the real me with all of my quirks, my differences, and my weirdness. But ,you all wanted to get to know the real me. You all showed me by treating me with kindness that every "weird" or "different" thing about me is not something to be ashamed of but to be proud of. I can't even express how liberating and empowering that is. Never stop being the kind, smart, amazing, funny, talented, adventurous, smiling Aggies you are. You don't know how much just being yourself has impacted me. I thank God that He put each of you in my life.  Love you all to Bonn and back … and back to Bonn again!

Future students, breathe every second of this adventure in. Go on weekend adventures, become friends with new amazing people. Relish the moments when you look out over the Rhine, when you smell the scent of fresh bread in the streets of Bonn,  when you hear amazing performers on a corner, or the stillness of the streets when you catch an early morning train. Laugh at yourself when you give Hilde the wrong answer during German class or when you manage to embarrass in front of a cute European guy. Be a proud inhabitant of the vastly superior OLD AIB and grow found of the familiar train you take home each day. Be grateful for the difficult moments. The moments where classes were stressing you out, you were crying, or simply wanted to go home because it is in these times you will find your closest friends. Live every moment in gratitude for this wonderful dream your living. It will be over all too soon.

Danke Deutschland. You have been a place of memories. A blessed land where beautiful friendships have grown and blossomed. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Ich liebe dich.

final post :( auf wiedersehen

I have been home for around 6 weeks, and I can’t believe how quickly the past six months have flown by. I can already identify how I’ve learned so much about German people and history, biomedical science and engineering, and myself. In addition to priceless memories, I already know that I have returned from my semester abroad smarter, wiser, and with a broader view of the world. 

One of the most influential factors in helping me learn about German culture was living with a host family, or in my case, a host mother. Her name was Birgit, and she selflessly took me into her home like I was a real daughter. I was the first host student she ever had, but my experience with her was fabulous. Without her support, I don’t think that I would’ve been able to adjust to life abroad so easily. She often had friends and other family members over, so I got to know them very well too, and they also became part of my huge support network. In her home, I shared photos and stories from back home and she told me about her family and various German traditions. I feel very fortunate to have been able to exchange cultures in over a long period of time in such an intimate setting. We got very close and I am confident that we will keep in contact with each other for years to come!

I also enjoyed learning German in the classroom. I think that our German course prepared us to have very basic conversations, however, I wish that the course would’ve continued throughout the semester. One of the biggest challenges that I faced when trying to learn German was that it was difficult to get practice outside the classroom. Most Germans are bilingual, so they would often will reply in English just for the sake of keeping conversation going if they could tell I was struggling. This made it difficult sometimes to learn the language while also wanting to get to know more about people and have meaningful interactions.

I will definitely be taking some of the German customs back to Texas with me. I really appreciated how Germans take their time to enjoy the little things in life. Examples of this would be sitting or walking in the park on a beautiful day, or spending hours lounging and talking in a cafe. I really contrasted these things to the activities my friends and I do back home, and I think that it would be really nice to introduce these types of activities into our normal routines. I also loved how my host mother would always invite her friends over for a 3-course dinner rather than going out to a restaurant. I would absolutely love to do this back in Texas because it saves money and is also a great opportunity to serve people that I care about and allows for more privacy. Unfortunately, however, I did not pick up on the German habit of punctuality as much as I thought that I would. 

Academically, my most challenging classes this semester were Physiology and Genetics. I think that taking these courses abroad was more challenging than if I were to take them on campus. I had to be very conscientious about time management if I wanted to be successful in the classroom as well as being able to travel on the weekends. This meant making every moment count, from studying on the plane to staying up late in the hotel on an excursion to get an assignment submitted. I was very grateful that my peers were also very studious because it helped me remain focused on school. One of my funniest memories was when some friends and I were staying in a hostel in Poland one weekend and some other travelers looked at us like we were crazy for all sitting around the table studying for an upcoming test. Overall, my hard work paid off because I had a 4.0 semester!  

My most interesting class was History of Medicine. I loved how this course covered a wide range of topics and was supplemented by our excursions. In the famous Louvre, for example, went on a unique tour that highlighted artwork that relates to how medicine has changed over time. I am appreciative of how I went to many places on this program that I don’t think I would’ve seeked out on my own, like the pharmacy museum in Vienna or the Hotel Dieu in Beaurne, France. I feel like this class has given me a very unique perspective on medical history, and this experience would not have been possible solely learning in the classroom.

I am also very grateful for the opportunity we had to work on a medical device design project with a local German engineering company, enmodes GmbH. I think that this project sets the Bioscience program apart from other programs because it challenged us with problems that have solutions that can actually make a difference in the real world. It was very validating to get positive feedback from the engineers at enmodes GmbH. It gave me, as a BIMS student, the unique chance to step into the field of engineering and continue to pursue my interest in working the medical device industry. 

In terms of personal growth, I am leaving Germany feeling like a more confident and independent young adult. I feel comfortable taking initiative to take the steps I need to set a plan into action in an unfamiliar setting. Being able to navigate new cities and quickly adapt to new environments has been something that I have never had to do until this semester, but I now feel more capable of going to new places and getting meaningful experiences out of them. 

I also became more self-aware because I noticed the things that I take for granted back home. Although I appreciate public transportation, nothing compares to being able to get in the car and drive wherever, whenever. I missed the large, abundant selections of every type of food in HEB. I missed the hot temperatures in Texas, too, especially when it snowed in April in Germany. I know that when I get back home, I will miss things about Germany too, but paying to use the restroom or water in a restaurant will not be on that list.  

In conclusion, I am so grateful for my study abroad experience. I will never forget the many different forms of support and love I received this semester- from my parents, friends, TAMU faculty, the AIB, my host mom, all of the people I’ve met on my travels, and more! Without these people, my experience would not have been anywhere near as impactful. In the future, I can only hope to pay this support forward.

How has it been 6 weeks???

The past 6 weeks have gone incredibly fast since I have returned from Europe because I have been so busy. I guess I am already adjusted back to the busy American culture. Life has moved way too quickly since I have been home. Looking back at my semester, I find it difficult to accurately put my experience into words. It was one of the best semesters of my life and also one of the hardest. Being abroad for four months taught me more about myself than I ever thought I would learn at 21 years old. I learned that I can navigate a foreign country with the mere help of an offline maps application, that I can say goodbye to my family at the airport and get on a nine-hour flight by myself, that I can push myself to speak in a foreign language with my host family to become more immersed in German culture, and I learned that I have the strength and ability to do all of this and so much more at just 21 years old. The biggest takeaway I have from my four months abroad is that I have the maturity and strength to leave and go figure out a completely different world on my own, with the help of my fellow study abroad friends and faculty. Getting on the nine-hour flight to Europe was the hardest part of the journey and I am so thankful I stepped on that plane five and a half months ago. Now that I am home and settled back in the States, I feel more autonomous than I did back in January. I know that I am more prepared to tackle life’s challenges when I can look back and point out all the times I showed maturity and strength in Europe. This past semester is something I will always remember and remind myself of when I feel weak and scared to try something new. If you are a prospective student reading this blog post, trying to decide whether or not to accept, you have to go. The scariest and most difficult part is saying yes, the rest is hard, but also will create the most incredible and life changing memories that you will remember for the rest of your life. Getting to travel Europe at just 19-21 years old, is a trip of a lifetime and something you will forever be changed by. I definitely am. 

Last week ):

This is so sad ): Our last week in Bonn was great! We finished up all of our classes and had a fantastic weekend. We got to go on a Rhine cruise on Saturday and had our farewell party on Sunday. I had such a great semester and this last weekend with our program was amazing. I am so thankful for everyone on this study abroad and everything I have learned. While I am sad that it is over (rip I cried the entire farewell party, I'm so sry), I am so thankful that it happened. I am looking forward to going home and telling my friends and family all about this program. Best semester yet!

To everyone on this program:
You have all been so amazing. This semester was made incredible because of each and every single one of you. I could not have imagined going through this year with any other group. You are all so hardworking and loving and are role models to me in so many different ways. I cannot wait to see what you all do!

Wholehearted, Final Reflection

Final Week

I really want to put my sincerity into this last week blog post.

Reflecting back on the past four months in this study abroad program, I’ve been so blessed in so many ways that I have so much things to gives thanks to my God. He led me to achieve all my goals I set at the start of the program, and it has given me wonderful, wonderful experiences, learning, ideas and growth that I will never attain in any other means. I want to list down the things that I am really thankful for, my final reflection.

*Cultural-wise*

During this study abroad pragram, I been interacting with three totally different cultures: German culture, Korean culture, and American culture. As a South Korean student who studied in America only for past two and half years, I was not even familiar to the American culture. While getting involved in this group with awesome twenty-one American friends and interacting every day, every hour constantly, and even going to trips for several days together, I learned a lot about the American culture and learned how I should position myself in the middle of any conversation, or what my attitude I should take in this group. My English-speaking skills improved dramatically, I learned slangs like “fat nap, salty, savage, came in clutch, GOAT” which were very fun to use and make friends happy. I was also constantly interacting with a Korean culture, a culture that I am most used to, by involving in a Korean church and the church choir, meeting them every Sunday, having meals together sometimes during the weekdays, visiting Mandu, a Korean foodplace, where some of the members of the choir works and get free food and drinks, and many others. I was very touched when the church members prepared a gift for me and prayed for me wholeheartedly wanting me to come back at any point. Lastly, I interacted everyday with my host parents and learned a lot from them about the German, standardized, planned lifestyle, and learned life lessons of being a good husband and maintaining a good marriage, and living a healthy elder life. I once went to my host dad’s friend’s house and watched a soccer game with 4 German 60s men, and found myself able to interact and enjoy the moment, while not making them uncomfortable and enjoy too. I also once went to a host mom’s choir concert which had a party afterwards with drinking and singing. I also was able to be a part of it and make good interaction with the German people. And obviously, living in the country itself taught most of the German culture.

*Academic-Wise*

I am actually, really glad that I was able to learn the major subjects of my major through this program. I really am thankful to Dr. Wasser because he really did a good job on explaining all the physiology lessons, which were really good for me to understand them. He was not reluctant to answer my questions, which are silly sometimes, and really helped me to understand the human body. Also, I really thank to my awesome friends, every single one of them, because everyone was very studious in this entire program, as if all the smart ones in A&M had come in this program. Because of my friends, I was also able to follow the studious atmosphere which really helped me to not just memorize, buy actually learn somethings. For this, I am thankful to everyone, but I want to give special thanks to the Anki fellows, Lindsay (challenging overnight study mate), and Ariella (my personal teacher and partner). Also, I cannot miss the learnings I got from Enmodes in terms of presentation preparation, team discussions, splitting of works, research methods, and additional details about cardiovascular and respiratory system.

*Relationship-Wise*

As what Dr. Wasser emphasized during his brain lecture, I am so glad that I had constantly interacting experience under the age of 25, before my prefrontal cortex -responsible for personality and relationship- fails to develop. In my entire life, I been exposed to so many different situations and relationships, that made me always be interested to characteristics, relationship and community roles. This study abroad program was like a little world, where everyone takes their own role with all different personalities, which indeed turned out to be a beautiful harmony. As a relationship-interested person, observing how we interact helped me to realize how a bigger scale community such as organization, country, or even the entire world is likely running, and therefore learned what position I should take as an observant, relationship-focused, Christian individual. As a result, I found that every individual personality is important and precious in a community. There should be leader-type people, who can challenge and find new things; critics-type people who can direct the group to the right way by making necessary but shrewd comments; peacemaker-type people who maintains the balance in discussion and positivity; enthusiastic-type people who can positivity and energy to the entire group, follower-observant-type people who smartly judges what decision should the group take and be essential factors for majority decisions, and object-focused people who never miss the objectives and make sure the group achieves the goal. With all these, I just want to give thanks to everyone in our group for being a good contribution to ultimately produce this wonderful program. I personally chose representative adjectives to best describe each one of my awesome friends. I love them all, every one of them, such a wonderful, precious people of the world. Thank you for everything.

Josh K

- Brilliant

- dependable

Kevin

- Comforter

- friendly

Madyson

- Righteous

- compassionate

Sid

- Extraordinary

- intuitive

Yoong

- Undisturbed

- observant

Vivian

- enthusiastic

- Tenderhearted

Lindsay

- strong

- joyful/cheerful

- Simple/uncomplicated

Ryan F

- ingenuous

- Helpful

Adriana

- Love people

- vivacious

Marcus

- easygoing

- Gentle

- kind-hearted

Katarina

- discreet

- Religious

Ariella

- kind-hearted

- frank

- Calm

Ryan B

- Likeable by anyone

- harmonious

Melania

- Self-disciplined

- sweet in friendship

Sean

- entertaining

- Confident

- achiever

Jessica

- Balanced

- expressive/sincere

Masha

- positivity

- Lovely

Sebastian

- Passionate in anything

- enlighten in relationship

Ana

- Wise

- peacemaker

Josh C

- peacemaker

- Companionable to anyone

- courteous

Very personal, so may not agree with me... Thanks for reading!

Lab Exam and Bingen/Andernach

           This week was normal class days, except with Bingen and Andernach excursion on Thursday and our second lab exam on Friday. The day of lab exam 2 has been widely discussed with Sarah and among the BIMS students and we finally decided to have on the day after our Bingen and Andernach excursion. I would like it anytime so I agreed to follow the majority. Anyways, the Bingen and Andernach excursion day have come, but I did not have any idea of what we are doing in these places. I was just right on time to take the bus and we end up in a beautiful mid-Rhine in a beautiful weather. Dr. Wasser told a legendary story in Bingen that a man who killed a lot of people was punished with so many mice following him everywhere he goes and end up being drown in the Rhine river to escape from the mice. It was very interesting to hear. We also went into a museum and learned things about Hildegard and saw some drawings of her visions that she had. Honestly, I was not able to interpret any of those. We then went to Andernach and had apple salat and a roasted beef with some kartofel and wine for our lunch, and it was very nice. I especially liked the wine that Josh had, and he kindly gave me some of his. We then went to a Johann-Winter museum and also explored some history in medicine, which honestly was hard to focus after having a good meal and tired of walking. On the way back, I studied for the lab exam the next day, maybe for 10 minutes, then I had a fat nap. The next day, I felt I did pretty good, but my grades were not pretty good. Anyways, I am happy. The grades does not make it depressed because God leads my way.

To the Bonn Boiz: sappy superlatives

To the Bonn Boiz: sappy superlatives

As I travel this continent for two months, I will have a lot of time on my hands. To write, to read, to listen, and to think. I've already done quite a bit of thinking, and much of it has been about you all.

You have all inspired me. I hope to always keep a small piece of you in my heart by reminding myself to improve in areas that you are already good at. You have given me joy and shown me a plethora of strengths that people can have. Here are some things I want you all to hear.

Ana- I love you to pieces, and sitting next to you in the first Germany informational was the best thing I could have done before this semester. Your passion and devotion to God and Jesus will stick with me forever. Your voice comforted me when I was anxious. It was always a joy coming home and speaking to you, and I could go on for hours, but I'll just stop and say you are a blessing.

Sebastian- You treat every person as your equal. Respecting others is important to you, and I appreciate that. You are considerate, intelligent, and you value education. Your adventurous spirit makes life fun, and I will definitely channel that within the next few months and think of you.

Madyson- You are so honest and refreshing. You are bold and contemplative. I had so much fun whenever I spoke to you, you're funny and easy to talk to and you make your beliefs and passions clear. I will miss you so much in College Station. Sorry about your belt. :/

Lindsay- You are head strong and independent. You are very comfortable with who you are and no one can dull your flame. I know things are hard, but remember who you are. You are never concerned with opinions, so don't let yourself or anyone else question your worth. Keep going strong.

Melania- You're a cutie. I enjoyed the conversations we were able to have with the few times we had the chance to be together this semester. Thanks for being a good listening ear, for laughing with me, and for inspiring me to work harder. I commend your strong ethical values, your ability to take care of your priorities, and I love your laugh. Good luck and have the best gap year. You deserve it.

Ariella- Your independence astounds me. I absolutely will be traveling and thinking "what would Ariella do" through out this trip. I wish I had gotten to know you better. I respect your views, your work ethic, your spiritual devotion, and your fearlessness. Good luck in your own travels, I'm not worried about you at all <3

Jessica- you brought me so much comfort this semester. You are the best at having good, flowing conversation. You give so much attention to who you are with. You make others feel loved and important and never uncomfortable or unseen. You are a cheerleader and your smile is delightful.

Masha- I have never met anyone like you. You are unique. You are funny and goofy and gorgeous. You turn different parts of your personality on like a switch. You are contemplative and independent and I admire your ability to plan and execute your desires. You are quirky and I loved seeing what your next move was, they were unpredictable. 

Park- Dear Youngjun, if I never meet another person as wonderful as you, I would not be surprised. Your presence this semester changed the entire program. I valued our time and conversation together tremendously-on the bus and in Berlin and any other time. I admire how fully you plugged yourself into the local community in Bonn and constantly brightened everyone's day. You are funny and sweet and I wish to work harder and be kinder because of you.

Adriana- I am SO glad that we got close over the course of the semester. I love talking to you, I love hugging you, I love laughing at everything you say. I love your habit of waking up early, enjoying the mornings, showing kindness to animals, and being comfortable with yourself. You are hilarious and you don't even mean to be. You are a delight, and you will do great things for the world and for others. I hope you realize that.

Kevin- my soulmate. When things got rough, I had you next to me to share a laugh. I rarely feel so comfortable with others as I do with you. If you weren't in Germany, I have no clue what I would've done. You work hard and you play hard and there's nothing I like more than that. I loved your laugh and smile and your playful spirit that never takes anything too seriously. I can't wait to be in college station with you.

Joshua- Joshua Korb, I see now what everyone in college station raved about when they talked about you. You turned out very different than I expected, and I like it that way. I'm glad I feel confident in saying we are good friends now. I am comfortable with you and admire your intelligence, but I admire your thirst for knowledge more. And believe it or not, I enjoy our debates. Thanks for always having an answer to every one of my curious questions. And thank you for always saying good morning.

Katarina- You are the sweetest, purest, most hardworking gal. I love your ability to push through difficult circumstances and I was glad to have you in Germany. I'm so glad you were a given a host family with hearts as big as yours. Your dedication to your family, your goals, your religion, and everything you do is something I hope to grow in. Your smile brightens a room. Obrigada, linda!

Sean- You are passionate and confident. Your sense of humor is so unique to you and I loved every sassy joke you uttered. Thank you for always being there when I felt like singing with accompaniment. Thank you for beginning my quest in learning guitar and piano. Music is the only time I felt your patience. I admire your passion for it and knowledge of it. 

Josh- Your confidence in front of a crowd is fun and inspiring to watch. Your work ethic in spite of frustration is absolutely unmatched. And your bounce back abilities are, too. Because of you, I talk more to my family. I think more about my need to improve. I care more about finishing things that I don't like. Thank you.

Ryan Blanchard- Your character development was something else. You are quirky and unpredictable- I never know which Ryan I will interact with that day. Thanks for putting up with, and sometimes embracing, my overly touchy, affectionate, and in-your-face self. I know we are opposite on that spectrum, but I enjoyed our conversations nonetheless. Also, you will never know how much it meant to me when you apologized and said I could lead and plan well. It was very genuine of you.

Sid- Here come the compliments!! You are not just intelligent, but you use it in the best way possible- to help others. This is an invaluable trait. You are funny and fun and easy-going, and your appreciation for friendship and quality time is clear, and will take you far and impact the world.

Marcus- Right away, your ability to stay calm and content during trying times stuck out to me. Every difficult thing that happened to you this semester never once took your (fake-toothed) smile away from you. You are not just unique, but special. Im glad to have laughed at all your dumb jokes and meet someone that knows more memes than I do. You are smart, funny, and kind. Thanks for always capturing my good side.

Yoong- You work hard and handle every circumstance without anxiety. You are independent and I love to see you smile. You are a big ball of feist and it would come out in the funniest ways at unexpected times, and it was always hilarious. Cam on for always letting me try to speak Viet with ya!

Ryan- My sweet, sweet boy. I am so glad to have had you shine your light this semester. When I was flustered or frustrated, you were always there, and vice versa. We struggled with the same things and your presence helped me through it. Rock those summer classes and this degree, you have so much potential and it takes a belief in yourself to unlock it. And sometimes I need to take that advice, too.

Have fun in America, yall.

Can I really do this?

The answer is yes.

As the week came to a close, I became more and more apprehensive about my travels. What was I going to do? I was alone for the first time in months, and I would be alone for weeks. As I watched all my friends say goodbye to Bonn, they were sad to leave but happy to see their families. I was leaving Bonn, but I would not be seeing my family. I didn't even know which city I would go to first. I didn't know my path. I didn't know where I would sleep.

I had known since December that I would be in Europe until June. That end date has since extended into late July, but nevertheless I always knew I would be traveling alone for three weeks and away from my family for 6 months. Nothing about it EVER scared me, until now. Now, nothing was planned out for me. I wasn't heading into a pre-determined program full of Aggies and Americans and English speakers. Now it was up to me.

It is not my first solo trip, but it is the most daring, and up until Tuesday, I was mostly nervous and not excited. That was until it dawned on me how absolutely free I was. I saw flixbus tickets to Paris and realized I could pack up and leave at this very moment. I saw flights to several countries, I saw cheap hostels and I realized

I 

Am

Free

I had no responsibilities. Nothing tying me to a place. No people wanting to go one place instead of another. With the loneliness came freedom.

And although there have already been bumps in the road- like realizing I had to book an extremely last minute flight to Portugal if I wanted to make it to Sevilla in time for Feria without paying $300, and not checking in on time, and missing my connection and having to throw away some luggage, and only having a Deutsche Post Marathon drawstring bag and my pink Magellan to sustain me for two months, and- it didn't matter. It worked out. And now I'm taking an unexpected trip to a Portuguese beach and staying in a 10 dollar hostel. With no data, but a downloaded google translate language and a maps.me navigator.

And I think I'll be just fine. If anyone knows how to make it through tough and abrupt situations, it's me. Can't wait for you to hear all about it. Tchüss.

The Happiest, Sappiest Days of My Life

Here I am, sitting on another RyanAir flight as the rest of the program (save a few travelers) have officially all made it back to America.

A recount of the past week, our last week: finals were hard. It was a lot to take on at once, but that is every finals week. When Friday came, and our evaluations were in, Sebastian and I finished at the same time and he took me down to the kitchen to tell me some good news. I was so happy, I couldn't stop crying. Watching other people's lives come together reminds me so much of God's goodness, and it makes my heart joyful like nothing else can. 

We were given uniburger for free, which was great. After interviews were over, I went back to the dentist to fix a chip in my tooth on the last possible day I could (since insurance ended Sunday- although the the dentist told me the fix would not be charged as part of the guarantee, so maybe I didn't have to do it that day). I went back to AIB for a bit before going home to get ready for Shaker's that night. By this time, I had already cried three times. Once on the bus, as I realized it was one of the last times I would get to look out over the forest near my house. Then with Sebastian. Then on my walk to the dentist as I reminisced the semester. Then again and again. Little tears here and there.

After Shaker's, Adriana, Seb, Masha, Kevin and I went to buy things for the Rhinecruise the next day. Kevin, Seb and I went to McDonald's after, just us three again, and had a really honest and genuine conversation. I went to bed around 2:30 that night to wake up at 5:50 the next morning for the Rhinecruise.

Saturday- Happily Ever After

Unfortunately, Seb and Ryan didn't make it in time and we had to leave without them. Ana made it on the bus after waking up with 2 minutes to spare. I did my best to wake them up and give them all the information they needed to find us. 

The Rhinecruise was unbelievable. Germany is captivating. Even in the cold and windy weather, the fog settled on the hills were a beautiful sight. The History of Medicine final was fun even though they cheated Gryffindor out of winning, and once we docked and saw Ryan and Seb, we went to lunch and I had my first Schnitzel. We hiked to the Bacharach castle and overlooked the river. After the tour, we went back to Bonn and I used the bus ride to take a much needed nap. I was exhausted all day but didn't want to stop looking out at the landscape.

We decided to go to the very convenient event, Rhein in Flammen, that night. I called my host mom and sister to ask for tips and gave the plans to everyone in the program. We chilled in the Biergarten, then went for Italian food and to Zebulon until hopping on the very packed tram into Rheinaue.

Only Ryan B had data, and I was very stressed while trying to make sure everyone could find each other before the fireworks started. Somehow, though, it all fell into place perfectly. Even John from Viz found us. The fireworks began at the perfect time and I was so overwhelmed with good feelings that I cried again. Harder this time than the rest. I remembered my family as I looked at the sky- and our beloved Fourth of July tradition, shooting fireworks over the lake. I missed them. I remembered my happiness and excitement to come to Europe. I remembered my struggles through the semester. I thought again of what a dream it was that it all came together as it did. I cried because of it all, and because I was surrounded with people feeling the same way. It was such pure bliss. 

As we hugged and shouted which fireworks were our favorite, I had the thought that this was the happiest day of my life.

The fireworks fell into the water and the only light was the neon from the carnival rides below us. We group hugged and exclaimed our love for each other and we rolled down the hills until we decided it was time to go, and then we walked all the way to museumsmeile-with many bathroom breaks along the way- until we all made it home.

Sunday- 

I did not expect to cry at the farewell party. There would be too many people around. Too many strangers. Too many friends that could see my face as I cried. It wasn't dark out. I don't tend to cry in these conditions.

And I didn't for a while. As we all said goodbye in the lounge, I was very quiet. Sad, but stressed, and just taking it in as people around me told each other what they felt. I said goodbye to each person as they walked out one by one. And I didn't cry.

But then Jessica hugged me and told me I would do great things. And that was it. That's all I needed. I cried and hugged her back and then Ryan Frampton was next, that sweet boy. As he held me, I cried harder, remembering all the times he gave me comfort this semester when I was feeling incapable. And that was the first time I sobbed. 

We went out for ice cream and Ana and I went home with Park as he poured his heart out about this semester and said goodbye to us and our bus for the last time. I fell asleep immediately and went with Ana the next morning to help her with her bags and say goodbye to the rest.

Monday- 

After saying goodbye, Kevin and I had breakfast and went to the lake; a hidden gem that Sebastian found earlier that week. It was beautiful- I just wish it were warm enough to get in. Finally, we went home, and my host mom and sister and I went to Hans im Gluck for my last meal in Germany. Coincidentally, it was my first meal in Germany, too. I loved that.

Enmodes Week and Easter weekend in Bonn

This week was the Enmodes week, and I would say the week that we have been waiting for long. Dr. Wasser has been really emphasizing that we really have to work hard in this first three days of the week, and I was a little concerned about that. I found our last Friday presentation went well so I was not really worried about the content. Actually, it was a lot better than I expected. Most likely, we had free time to edit and strengthen our presentation, also a time to study for the genetics test for me and my genetics friends. Our exam was scheduled on Wednesday, but since I was totally not prepared with all the excursions and trips I had, I really needed time. Practicing for the presentation was fun and informative, and I think I really improved every time I perform it. I believe our presentation was well-prepared and nicely done, I went back home with night bus memorizing the script to say on the D-day. The morning of the day, I dressed up and went to a barbershop to get a fresh haircut, and it really added me some confidence. Then when we went in to the meeting place, I found it so funny to do a Tai Chi with us all suited up and ready for presentation. The presentation really went well, in my opinion, and all the members of every group did a pretty good job and I really liked that it finished successfully. Having a celebration wine afterwards will be a good memory.

           Then starting from the day after the Enmodes presentation was our Easter Weekend! Everyone seemed so excited, but I was not because I’ve got some writings and studies to do including 1500 words for my genetics class for extra credit, and 1000 to 1500 words for my biomedical writings class. I once thought to myself “You should have done that earlier!” but I also knew I did not enough time for these writings and I also had to rest for the past days. Also, everything was really expensive during the Easter because it’s a worldwide holiday when everyone leaves for travel. So I chose to stay in Bonn and it was actually not bad at all just relaxing while doing some works and spent time with watching TV and with host parents. Also, I did not want to miss Sunday in Bonn with my church during the Easter weekend. It was actually rewarded me because they prepared some special Korean food for celebration. I am very happy and thankful for all these :)