50 Cities Later

When Dr. Wasser asked for these to be uploaded on July 1^st, I had not even returned to the U.S. yet. I spent two months travelling Europe after our program ended, so I wanted to give myself some time to rest at home in Texas before I put pen to paper and attempted to describe my semester. But honestly, I don’t think a few weeks or even a few months is enough time to be far enough removed from this immersive experience to begin to tell its effects. But I shall attempt.

Going to Italy before Germany and travelling after Germany taught me many lessons separately, but since this is a blog about Germany Biosciences, I’ll try to limit my reflection to that. The four months I spent in Germany were the hardest 4 months of my last 7. Dealing with loneliness, sickness of family members, bad grades and feelings of inadequacy while being abroad was extremely challenging. I’m not sure that anyone except Dr. Wasser knew just how difficult the semester was for me.

After an intolerably difficult 2018, I expected this semester abroad to fix all my problems. I had been pummeled with difficulties and loss and I thought I would finally just enjoy myself. When that turned out to be wrong, and I was met with more challenges than I expected, I took it hard. One particularly difficult night, I remember not being able to sleep, tossing and turning and convincing myself I could not succeed and I should just go home. The next day, I met with Dr. Wasser and saw a therapist that week. And that was the beginning of something very important to the remainder of my life.

Feeling like I had help on my side gave me newfound strength. Talking to Reagan and Sarah and Anna encouraged me. I began doing things that were good for me; calling my dad more, going for runs, talking to Ana and my host mom, writing, reading, listening to podcasts. Kevin and Ryan brought me so much comfort when I was overwhelmed. And the inspiration I got from watching the talents and humor of the rest of the students was helpful to my personal growth. I began working much harder and coming to terms with my struggles. I began to feel capable again.

In Croatia, when I was nearly done travelling, I met a girl who had just started. We talked about my semester abroad and when she asked if I would do it again if given the chance, I said yes. Hesitantly, I reflected and said yes. This was the first time I had ever been given something I could not run away from. I couldn’t quit, or leave, or drop the class, or avoid the argument. I had to face my own issues head-on. This semester was the first time there was no loophole for me, and the first time I realized that I didn’t need one.

At the end of the semester, I read my goals I had written down in January. A warm feeling buzzed inside me as I realized I had achieved them. I worked hard to learn German, I saw the good in all the participants, I valued experiences over money, and I did not quit.

Being in Germany strengthened me and confronted me with my own flaws. It opened my mind to the rest of the world in a way I thought I was already open. I realized that the American way of life has much room for improvement, and so does my mindset. While I do love and appreciate America, I’ve come to learn that our routine, judgmental ways keep us from experiencing life at its fullest. I have determined that not only do I wish to continue traveling, but I’d like to move away from this country for some time to serve a community I am not yet familiar with. In a few years, when this immersive semester has done more work in my life, I hope I can come back to this blog and be reminded of where it all began.

Reflection and Nostalgia

Change for me has always seemed a slow process. I feel like I have been changing through different experiences and developing who I am over the course over 22+ years. That is, until I went to Germany. If I could describe the change figuratively, it would look like an exponential graph. I feel the exponential change started when I left my hometown to go to a college different than most of my high school class and it peaked with my experience in Germany. People asked before I left if I would be sad that I wouldn’t be in College Station for my last semester but after the program, I just felt like I went out with a bang. It rounded out my college experience so well and I learned so much about myself. Of course, I would’ve like to discover that the path I was pursuing wasn’t for me earlier so I might have changed course earlier, but I’m not sure I would’ve been ready if I had gone earlier. The timing of everything was crucial to my experience. I wouldn’t have met the people I did if I had gone earlier and I wouldn’t have been so open. I like to think of myself as open minded, but it wasn’t until Germany that I realized I was only open minded towards people I deemed worthy. I did not want to waste any time trying to know people with beliefs different from mine because that usually meant they thought my friends didn’t deserve to feel the way they feel. In Germany, stuck with the same group of people, I had to let all negative feelings go and made such wonderful memories with two people I wouldn’t necessarily have become friends with back stateside. I felt like most of the people there differed from me on ideals and beliefs, yet I was able to connect with everyone on such a deep level and grew to love every single one of them for who they were and what they brought to our friendship as well as what they taught me about myself. The group I went with ROCKED. Dr. Wasser picked a diverse group and I think it really showed that this is what A&M is about. Striving in whatever field you study while working with unique individuals, showcasing that diversity makes the world better. Everyone had something different to bring to the table. I was always learning new things with them. For my two closest friends, they constantly kept me on my toes. Whether it was being more accepting or challenging me, they made me better. Looking back, I’m not sure what kind of experience I would have had without the people I went with, especially Ana. It wasn’t until after that I realized just how supportive she was to me. Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever would’ve entertained being friends with her if I hadn’t been removed from my comfort zone and forced to be open. She was there for me when I felt lonely in that big house and was there for me when my cat that I had adopted at 11 and cared for since a kitten had to be put down and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I knew she was there for me and that made me able to process my emotions in a healthy manner. With the time difference, I couldn’t call my mom or friends whenever I was going through something, but I always knew I could call Ana and she would answer. Knowing she would be there allowed me to not call her so we could discuss things the next day.

This trip allowed me to connect with my emotions more deeply. The way I see myself and the world is so different now and I couldn’t even tell you when it happened. It was honestly the cumulation of all my experiences. Being in new countries, sometimes by myself, I gained appreciation for life. My favorite part about exploring was trying the native food because it tells a story of the people. For Germany, there are more Turkish influenced food than when I went in high school. I think that in turn brought in other cultural influences and seeing how welcoming Germany has become made me love the country even more. Beyond appreciation for others, I learned to appreciate myself more. When my friends were able to help me study and do well on exams, I remembered how much I love learning. I also learned how much I loved teaching! I’m still searching for what I want to do, with teaching being a distinct possibility, and this program and the people taught me that it was okay to let go of expectations and follow your dreams, regardless of how long it takes to find your passion. Before Germany, I liked a lot of things but after Germany I became passionate about things. Advocating, teaching, learning. This semester was the first time I studied the way that I did and was also my first fall/spring semester 4.0! Before I just relied on my base intelligence but this program taught me to work hard to achieve goals. It was also the first semester since freshman year that I didn’t take a women’s and gender studies class. I was so used to everyone around me caring about the same issues I care about and discussing with similar beliefs that in Germany I had a shock. Over there, I felt most of the people weren’t as passionate about the things I talked about and it taught me that that’s ok. People see things differently and even if I just made them think differently about an issue for a second, I think of that as a success. I can’t keep surrounding myself with like minded people because that just creates disparities and delays progress.

To reflect more on how I’ve changed and how I interact with the world now, I asked my family and friends what changes they’ve seen. For one, I am able to make a decision much quicker now and am less crippled by the pressure of choosing wrong. There were decisions I made in Germany that went well and ones that didn’t go well but the act of making those decisions and being able to experience so many different things ended up being what was important to me. My dad told me I live in the moment more now. I live in the present. And I enjoy it! The inhibitions that always held me back aren’t so important to me anymore. Sometimes I’d be in a new country only for the weekend so I didn’t have time to worry about the past or future and I was able to focus on the now. I learned to enjoy not only what I was doing but myself too.

As I write this now, the emotions from the semester are coming back and it’s flowing onto the page but before I started I wasn’t sure how I was going to write this. How could I put the way I felt into words? I’m not sure there’s enough words in the dictionary to describe what this program meant to me and I’m not sure if I’d ever be able to do it justice, but I’ve learned to accept myself and love whatever I put out into the world, especially when I put passion into it. I will never be able to go back to that time and I will never be able to truly understand everyone else’s experiences but I hope this gave y’all some insight into mine. Thanks for reading, love you all, and I hope to see you soon.

Danke Deutschland!

Hallo! Not my first time speaking German this summer. I say a few words here and there, just to keep it fresh!

It's hard to believe that it's been six weeks since my study abroad program ended. Only a few months ago, I was having the most incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experiences. I learned so much, visited various places, made amazing friends, and grew as a student and adult.

Being back in the US in general:

When I first landed in the US, I was so excited to see my family and finally be able to read signs! Though this may seem silly, it was nice to know what things around me truly said. Nevertheless, I appreciated being around so many languages in Europe. I really loved being able to travel for a few hours and land in a different country. Of course, most of my time was in Bonn. It didn't take long in either Germany or the US to realize how different Germans are from Americans. To be brief, Germans are very straightforward and honest; however, this did not come off as rude. In fact, my host family were some of the nicest people I've ever met. They always made me feel welcomed and cared for. :) While in Europe, I learned so much about its history; I enjoy sharing what I've learned with my family and friends. In addition, it's nice to be able to drive my own car. However, I didn't mind taking public transportation; in fact, I enjoyed that it was so accessible and better for the environment. Although it was quite a walk to my tram everyday in Germany, I do miss having that time to reflect on my day and enjoy the scenery. 🌼🍃

With respect to school:

This semester, I learned a lot more than I ever could have in a classroom. It's one thing to learn something in class and another to learn it in the real world, looking at what's being discussed. When we had normal classes, I really liked being at the old AIB -- our small program and the aged German building added to the experience abroad. Coming into the program, I didn't know what excursions were going to be like. Simply put, they were above and beyond my expectations!

I experienced and addressed stress in a different way. Normally, I have class until 4 PM (latest) and spend my night at the library. Likewise, I'm either studying and/or volunteering on the weekends. As I did well in school, this is what worked for me and what I thought was necessary. However, I quickly discovered that this routine was not possible abroad. I did not always have as much time as I would have liked on certain days, whether it was because my genetics class ended at 9 PM, day(s) long excursions, weekend travel, or Enmodes work. Knowing my semester was going to be busy, I used these time restraints as an opportunity to grow. Not only did my time management and studying skills improve, but so did my confidence. Using the time and materials I had, I approached each exam and challenge with optimism. In all, I'm proud that I was able to finish this semester with a 4.0 and a new way of approaching my education.

Final thoughts:

I am so happy and blessed to have had the opportunity to study in Bonn. I never thought I would have had the chance to experience so much in such little time, especially during my time at Texas A&M University. The Biosciences program exposed me to many things -- biomedical sciences in and outside of the classroom, history of Europe, dedicated mentors, beautiful landscapes, a wonderful host family, and great friends. It helped me become a more confident and independent adult. I can't wait to see what adventures are ahead!

Danke Deutschland! :)

No More Bad Luck Josh!

Six weeks away from Germany feels both long ago and just yesterday. It’s a strange feeling thinking back on all the amazing things I experienced while abroad. One thing I didn’t expect from this experience was the amount of growth that I had. I knew I would learn things, but I had no idea how much I would learn about myself and life in general. The semester was long, tiring, upsetting, lonely, and fun. More emphasis on the fun because I learned to enjoy my struggles. That may have been one of the best lessons I learned from all my experiences abroad. I have a history of having “bad luck” whatever that really is. I got the nickname “Bad Luck Josh” because so many little things happen to me that seem like their sole purpose is to try and put me back in life. But from my experiences I learned to enjoy these instances of “bad luck”; one thing is that they make for great stories! So, I try to stay away from saying I have “bad luck” now. I was blessed to have experienced so many crazy things and from them I grew with each experience. Even now, I look at every day as a blessing and an opportunity. An opportunity that won’t be ruined by a slight inconvenience. I don’t see any problem as something that I can’t handle.

Before I go too far into my own self growth, I want to talk about my initial thoughts of being back in the U.S. We had landed in Houston, where we would later be connected to San Antonio, and I felt uneasy. I wasn’t exactly relieved to be in America; in fact, I was more upset to be here. However, I think it was mainly because I was in Houston of all places. The last time I was in Houston was for someone very close to me that was no longer close to me anymore. I think my emotions were getting the better of me and making me not want to be there. Despite this initial uneasiness, it was nice to be able to communicate with pretty much anyone I came across. Seeing live basketball being played on TV was shocking to me. Being deprived of basketball for four months was rough, and finally seeing a game on TV was like seeing a long-lost friend. Once we landed in San Antonio, I was only anxious to see my family. I was without my biggest support system for so long; I couldn’t wait to finally see them again. Knowing my family, I knew there was going to be a big ole sign that says, “WELCOME HOME JOSH”. And lo and behold that’s exactly what they had! They even printed out pictures of my face and put them on sticks and were waving them all around. If I wasn’t so happy to see them, I would have been extremely embarrassed by them. When I stepped out of the airport, I felt like I was in a swamp! I was spoiled by the cool and relatively dry air that was in Europe. San Antonio was, like always, hot AND humid. My least favorite part of this city. My first meal back was some wonderful bean and cheese tacos from the BEST Mexican restaurant in the WORLD…taco cabana! That’s a joke by the way. I ate about six and a half tacos and my belly was very thankful. However, being back in San Antonio, I didn’t feel safe anymore. When I got to taco cabana, I witnessed a drug deal. While I was eating there, I saw two people outside sneak off behind a dumpster. Something I never saw while in Germany. It only took on hour in San Antonio to see that.

I didn’t realize how busy I was in Germany until I got to San Antonio. Suddenly, I had nothing to do. No responsibilities, no obligations, and no plans. I got restless very quickly and I was determined to do big things for the summer. I moved back to College Station to try and work in a lab and get a job in the university. Unfortunately, neither happened. I did get a chance to do some research, but it started a month after I had been accepted into the lab. All job interviews and BMEN lab interviews didn’t turn up with anything. At this point I’ve been rejected so many times I can’t even keep count. But this has still been one of the best summers I’ve ever had. It’s all because of what I learned abroad. I’m no longer phased by my failures. I failed a heck of a lot while abroad, and I’m only going to continue to fail. So, I just keep trying to move towards my goals and I know that something big is coming my way. I just need to be patient. Patience is something I gained a lot of. You must be patient when you take so many tours, bus rides, train rides, plane rides, and lectures. Being patient lets you appreciate all the wonderful things that you are going to see. That’s another thing I’ve learned. To be more appreciative of the things around myself. I have learned to take everything I experience as a blessing. I am blessed to be where I am. No matter how often I fail, or bad things happen to me, I am blessed. I’m going to continue to be blessed as long as I appreciate what I have. I’m thankful for everything I experienced in Europe. I wouldn’t change it in any way. Dankeschön Deutschland!

Danke Deutschland

Germany feels like a lifetime ago and just yesterday. Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I'm becoming one of those study abroad people with all the clichés. But, I feel truly like Europe changed me. Or maybe I should say the Europeans and my fellow travelers changed me.

Most Germans are very straight forward people. They do not beat around bush and ,if asked, they will probably tell you the straight up truth. But, don't take it personally! No, seriously. They mean nothing by it and if you are honest with them they won't take it personally either. I found myself in a car with Germans talking about politics (American and German) which for me is huge. I am a huge conflict avoider and politics always seems to cause heated debates. However, the Germans (at least the ones I met) would debate but would still like each other even after the debate was heated.  I felt free like my friendship to them wasn't based on whether I shared the same views but on the fact that I was me. This was a turning point. I realized that vocalizing my opinion and forming my own opinion (not theirs) was something not only accepted but actively encouraged by Germans. Little by little my fear of speaking my opinion hurting friendships is beginning to chip away.

I also met a large international community in Bonn. I met people from India, Angola, Kenya, Russia, Poland, South Korea, Jamaica, and Columbia. The Germans and many people in these international communities spoke multiple languages (three or more conversationally). To say the least, I was very impressed. However, if they can learn to do it, I can learn to do it to. Wish me luck on learning more German! 

To all my fellow Aggies I went on this trip with me, thank you from the bottom my heart. You have no idea how much even the smallest of gestures affected me. Thank you for inviting  me to be part of your group during the intercultural workshop project, for asking me if I was ok on the days I wasn't, for running with me through the woods, for making me laugh on days when homework threatened to bury us alive, for being my bodyguards/big brothers when I traveled, for welcoming my twin sister, for a late night talk over burgers in Brussels, for walking and talking with me on the Rhine the day that I cried, for making me laugh at the base of the Eiffel tower with your interesting theory, for helping me on any and every homework assignment, for keeping me calm on our crazy 14 hour adventure back to Bonn from Prague, for complimenting my fro in Vienna, but, most of all, I want to thank you all for taking the time to know and accept me for who I am. One of my biggest insecurities is that people will like the real me with all of my quirks, my differences, and my weirdness. But ,you all wanted to get to know the real me. You all showed me by treating me with kindness that every "weird" or "different" thing about me is not something to be ashamed of but to be proud of. I can't even express how liberating and empowering that is. Never stop being the kind, smart, amazing, funny, talented, adventurous, smiling Aggies you are. You don't know how much just being yourself has impacted me. I thank God that He put each of you in my life.  Love you all to Bonn and back … and back to Bonn again!

Future students, breathe every second of this adventure in. Go on weekend adventures, become friends with new amazing people. Relish the moments when you look out over the Rhine, when you smell the scent of fresh bread in the streets of Bonn,  when you hear amazing performers on a corner, or the stillness of the streets when you catch an early morning train. Laugh at yourself when you give Hilde the wrong answer during German class or when you manage to embarrass in front of a cute European guy. Be a proud inhabitant of the vastly superior OLD AIB and grow found of the familiar train you take home each day. Be grateful for the difficult moments. The moments where classes were stressing you out, you were crying, or simply wanted to go home because it is in these times you will find your closest friends. Live every moment in gratitude for this wonderful dream your living. It will be over all too soon.

Danke Deutschland. You have been a place of memories. A blessed land where beautiful friendships have grown and blossomed. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Ich liebe dich.

final post :( auf wiedersehen

I have been home for around 6 weeks, and I can’t believe how quickly the past six months have flown by. I can already identify how I’ve learned so much about German people and history, biomedical science and engineering, and myself. In addition to priceless memories, I already know that I have returned from my semester abroad smarter, wiser, and with a broader view of the world. 

One of the most influential factors in helping me learn about German culture was living with a host family, or in my case, a host mother. Her name was Birgit, and she selflessly took me into her home like I was a real daughter. I was the first host student she ever had, but my experience with her was fabulous. Without her support, I don’t think that I would’ve been able to adjust to life abroad so easily. She often had friends and other family members over, so I got to know them very well too, and they also became part of my huge support network. In her home, I shared photos and stories from back home and she told me about her family and various German traditions. I feel very fortunate to have been able to exchange cultures in over a long period of time in such an intimate setting. We got very close and I am confident that we will keep in contact with each other for years to come!

I also enjoyed learning German in the classroom. I think that our German course prepared us to have very basic conversations, however, I wish that the course would’ve continued throughout the semester. One of the biggest challenges that I faced when trying to learn German was that it was difficult to get practice outside the classroom. Most Germans are bilingual, so they would often will reply in English just for the sake of keeping conversation going if they could tell I was struggling. This made it difficult sometimes to learn the language while also wanting to get to know more about people and have meaningful interactions.

I will definitely be taking some of the German customs back to Texas with me. I really appreciated how Germans take their time to enjoy the little things in life. Examples of this would be sitting or walking in the park on a beautiful day, or spending hours lounging and talking in a cafe. I really contrasted these things to the activities my friends and I do back home, and I think that it would be really nice to introduce these types of activities into our normal routines. I also loved how my host mother would always invite her friends over for a 3-course dinner rather than going out to a restaurant. I would absolutely love to do this back in Texas because it saves money and is also a great opportunity to serve people that I care about and allows for more privacy. Unfortunately, however, I did not pick up on the German habit of punctuality as much as I thought that I would. 

Academically, my most challenging classes this semester were Physiology and Genetics. I think that taking these courses abroad was more challenging than if I were to take them on campus. I had to be very conscientious about time management if I wanted to be successful in the classroom as well as being able to travel on the weekends. This meant making every moment count, from studying on the plane to staying up late in the hotel on an excursion to get an assignment submitted. I was very grateful that my peers were also very studious because it helped me remain focused on school. One of my funniest memories was when some friends and I were staying in a hostel in Poland one weekend and some other travelers looked at us like we were crazy for all sitting around the table studying for an upcoming test. Overall, my hard work paid off because I had a 4.0 semester!  

My most interesting class was History of Medicine. I loved how this course covered a wide range of topics and was supplemented by our excursions. In the famous Louvre, for example, went on a unique tour that highlighted artwork that relates to how medicine has changed over time. I am appreciative of how I went to many places on this program that I don’t think I would’ve seeked out on my own, like the pharmacy museum in Vienna or the Hotel Dieu in Beaurne, France. I feel like this class has given me a very unique perspective on medical history, and this experience would not have been possible solely learning in the classroom.

I am also very grateful for the opportunity we had to work on a medical device design project with a local German engineering company, enmodes GmbH. I think that this project sets the Bioscience program apart from other programs because it challenged us with problems that have solutions that can actually make a difference in the real world. It was very validating to get positive feedback from the engineers at enmodes GmbH. It gave me, as a BIMS student, the unique chance to step into the field of engineering and continue to pursue my interest in working the medical device industry. 

In terms of personal growth, I am leaving Germany feeling like a more confident and independent young adult. I feel comfortable taking initiative to take the steps I need to set a plan into action in an unfamiliar setting. Being able to navigate new cities and quickly adapt to new environments has been something that I have never had to do until this semester, but I now feel more capable of going to new places and getting meaningful experiences out of them. 

I also became more self-aware because I noticed the things that I take for granted back home. Although I appreciate public transportation, nothing compares to being able to get in the car and drive wherever, whenever. I missed the large, abundant selections of every type of food in HEB. I missed the hot temperatures in Texas, too, especially when it snowed in April in Germany. I know that when I get back home, I will miss things about Germany too, but paying to use the restroom or water in a restaurant will not be on that list.  

In conclusion, I am so grateful for my study abroad experience. I will never forget the many different forms of support and love I received this semester- from my parents, friends, TAMU faculty, the AIB, my host mom, all of the people I’ve met on my travels, and more! Without these people, my experience would not have been anywhere near as impactful. In the future, I can only hope to pay this support forward.