Reflection Post

Summer is already about halfway over and I still talk about Germany all the time. People still haven't stopped asking me about it and I still haven't come up with that perfect answer to the question. It's definitely made me want to travel even more and go back to Europe to finish seeing everything.

Harrison and Kunal, if you guys read this and make fun of it, I will leave your terrible childhood pictures from Facebook taped onto the doors of your labs :)

This reflection post is supposed to be really long and cover everything, but I don't even know where to begin. There's so much about this trip that I could talk about.

I heard about this program during my new student conference two years ago and I wanted to go ever since. I started off in a different major my freshman year though, so I thought I couldn't apply and gave up on going until Dr. Wasser brought the students from last year to talk to our physiology class. My parents definitely did not want me to go and tried to convince me to stay right up until the day I left for Frankfurt. As expensive as this trip was, I am so glad I went.

I went into the trip with a checklist of things I wanted to get out of it and for the most part, I completed the list. I wanted to get all As (which didn't really work because I dropped the ball on physiology), be able to get honors credits, finish diffeq without having to take summer school, visit a concentration camp, travel as much as possible with the money I had, get to know my host family, make friends with the people on the trip, be more independent, and convince my parents that I am capable of doing things on my own. I think the biggest success of this trip is that I showed my parents that I can travel alone and manage money pretty well, so that deserves a nice yaaaassss.

The part of the trip I was most scared of was getting along with the other people on the trip. I used to dread the pre-departure meetings because I didn't know anyone and I was so afraid they wouldn't like me, so I usually ran to the back of the room and didn't talk to anyone. It's hilarious to think about that now because I can't imagine this summer or this next year without them. It's crazy how much being around them motivated me to do more with my summer, like getting into a research lab or applying to be a camp counselor. They're pretty great people and I am so glad I get to be friends with them.

Something I'm really happy about is the fact that we had pretty great teachers in Germany and I learned a lot. Back home, everyone was struggling with signals and diffeq, but Esteban tried pretty hard to teach us and I got a lot of help from all the other biomedical engineers. We also had an awesome tutor for diffeq who definitely saved my grade. More than that, I'm really glad I got to learn from Dr. Wasser. We already knew he that he's a fantastic physiology professor, but all of the lessons he gave us on our excursions were an awesome bonus.

In the past two months, my host mom has texted me several times with updates on my host brother's confirmation and floor hockey games or on my host sister's triathlons. As weird as it felt living in a stranger's house for so many months, I miss it a lot. I miss studying on their dining table with the light flooding in through all of their many windows. Now that I think about it, they had a lot of windows. I miss learning German with them at the dinner table and partially understanding the arguments my host siblings had with their parents. I did not get the chance to get very close with my family since I spent so much time studying at the AIB, but my host parents were so kind and I miss talking to them quite a bit.

Last but not least, the traveling! We saw so many places. I got to see Vienna, Amsterdam, Rome, Barcelona, Berlin, Paris, and Prague. It was so amazing to see the places that I've read about in books and see the history in them. This was mostly Rome, since you could wander anywhere and come across a ruin. I loved experiencing all the different cultures, languages, and people. Vienna, Prague, and Barcelona were beautiful cities. I had so much fun traveling the past few months. I learned so much and saw so many cool things, like the museum in Vienna or the catacombs in Rome. Damn, I love traveling.

So far in the weeks that I've been back, all of my family and friends ask me about the trip and I say "it was great!" The most common reaction is "that's it?" No, that's not it, but I can't describe it in a word and there's not enough time in the world for me to go through every amazing memory I have of the trip. I can't talk about that time we climbed through a fence when we got stuck in a park in Bacelona, or when we went to the top of the dome of St. Peter's Basilica, or that last day in Vienna when we rushed to grab every tram possible so we could see one last church before we left, or when Hazel, Ryan, Amy, and I would go sit in a coffee shop in a random city and just talk, or the many nights in Bonn when we would go grab drinks after class. That's barely even scratching the surface. Who could forget that time in class when Dr. Wasser yelled at the laptop or when he saw Mitchell eating a Berliner and stopped class to talk about donuts, or when he sang Baby Got Back in class/on the bus to Aachen/at a restaurant?

The trip may not have been completely life-changing, but it changed my mindset and was a great experience that I won't forget. I am so happy I had the chance to go to Germany and meet these amazing people. 

Final Reflection

Since yesterday was the Fourth of July, I have been especially aware that I'm living in the United States of 'Merica lately. I also realized that I have the privilege of being aware of my location compared to alternatives because not that long ago, I wasn't living in the US and the vast majority of people never have the opportunity to be so aware of this fact because they have never known anything different.

Upon my realization that I have a unique opportunity to reflect upon living in what I believe to be the greatest country on Earth, I also am reflecting on how incredible it was that so recently, I was immersed in a culture and location so different.

It would be very easy for me to just dwell in sadness and longing for the idealized life I lived last semester. In retrospect, everything was wonderful and happy and I had the best time of my life. I of course feel a portion of sadness that time has passed and that wonderful period of my life has come to a close, but I'm trying to focus on how wonderful my life is here in Texas and just appreciate the experiences I had and things I learned last semester.

I learned the following things:

1) I am a strong, independent woman that needs no significant other or male counterpart in order to function successfully. Actually, I can do much more than just function successfully by myself, but I can find deep joy and satisfaction in life by myself.

2) I am capable of being a competent and confident traveler anywhere in the world.

3) I have no reason to be intimidated by other's apparent intelligence and I should not be afraid to ask for help from people.

I'm sure I learned so much more than I realize right now and I look forward to continually realizing and appreciating my broadened perspective.

It's crazy to think about the time right before I left for Germany, which was more than 6 months ago, I had actually decided I didn't want to go. I was so scared to leave my boyfriend and family that I seriously considered canceling and honestly would have if there wasn't large financial loss. Looking back, I was not wrong or pathetic to be afraid, it was a reasonable reaction. I was brave to a certain extent though and I am sooooooo thankful that I pushed through and didn't dwell on my fear of loneliness. I don't know where I would be if I had decided to cancel the trip, but I am sure that I am in a better place in life than I was before the trip.

Reflection (think: Mulan song)

It's been almost seven months since I stepped off the plane, jetlagged and confused, into the Frankfurt airport. Seven months since I met many of my dear friends for the first time. Seven months since I started believing that I could actually make my dreams come true and that it was worth it to believe in myself.

I don't want to romanticize Germany too much, but it was seriously a life-changing experience for me-- it helped me develop maturity, confidence, and determination that I'm not sure I could have achieved in College Station. Let me tell you about how all this happened.

From the first time that I heard about the Bioscience semester abroad (in Dr. Scanlan's veeerry easy microbiology class, it's a miracle I was even in lecture that day!), I felt a bittersweet longing to do the program. I say "bittersweet" because although it sounded like a blast, I was convinced that I would not be able to go. Human shortcomings these days are often the product of an over-rational mind, and in this case mine was telling me "why do you deserve to go on a trip like this? Your GPA isn't super great, you need more clinical hours to be a competitive professional school applicant, you're giving up your organization position, and then there's like the big things: $20-something THOUSAND dollars and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!" So, almost as a joke, I applied to the program. Most of me was just doing it because Ryan, my boyfriend, had applied and I wanted to show him that I could get in the program, too. But I also think there was a little bit of me--a dreamer part of me---that was saying "but it would be REALLY cool if you DID go!"

Once I got accepted into the program, I asked my parents about it and their initial reaction was "No," for the same reasons that I mentioned above. However, as the semester dragged on and Ryan went to his orientation meetings and talked about the people that were going on the trip, the idea became lodged in my mind. I began to actually WANT to go! Fortunately, Dr. Wasser took some significant time to email with me and skype with me about the implications of going on a trip and was able to convince me that the risk was worth the benefit. I prepared a powerpoint presentation to my parents (yeah don't judge me) to convince them that this trip was worth the finances and time away from home. After some debate, they finally agreed and I finally committed!

When I made up my mind to go to Germany, I decided that it would be my "do things you have wanted to do but were too scared to" trip. I was determined to crush my grades and not be afraid to ask for help (yeah, I went through my first two years of college as a self-determined martyr regarding academics and then wondering why I wasn't as successful as people who sought out help haha--that definitely needed to change). I also wanted to work on my overall health and fitness, as I had been relatively sedentary since I came to college. Since this trip was totally uprooting me from my complacent habits, I figured it would be a good time for some good old-fashioned self-improvement.

When I finally met my host family, I immediately knew that they would be a huge help in my journey to self-discovery and re-motivation. They are brilliant, healthy, and happy people and have learned how to balance success and productivity with relaxation and relationships. During my whole semester, they encouraged me to eat nutritiously (and introduced me to pumpkin soup and homemade vegan pizza!), gave me advice about running and exercise, and (most importantly) finally demanded that I stop studying and go out and have a beer with friends! I don't know if my trip would have been as successful without them taking me in as part of the family and showing me what a healthy, happy lifestyle looks like.

Ryan came over all the time and helped me with my fitness goals and helped me not be lonely. I lived close to the Rhine, so we would run together relatively often (1-2x a week), or just hang out because we could. I can't believe his dedication to me. He would travel 45 minutes one-way on the public transportation just so he could see me outside of school. This trip was really a litmus test to show us as a couple how much we cared about each other. :)

The other people in the group provided a constant source of entertainment (even though sometimes we got on each other's nerves!!). There was a comfortable coexistence that we had by the end of the semester that was a result of constant proximity, general--if not grudging--acceptance, and I honestly think genuine friendship. I'm not going to lie, at first I was like "these people are all CRAZY" but sitting down and talking 1-on-1 showed me that everyone was really cool in their own way. 5 months together ensures that you pretty much know everyone's weird thing by the end of the semester, and since you hang out with them all the time you're pretty much ok with it. I could depend on pretty much anyone to be there for me if I was stressing or needed someone to complain to. I never felt lonely or un-included. While I'm not going to claim that I'm now best friends with everyone in the group, I definitely made some close friends and am happy to say that those friendships are thriving! It's crazy to think that I might not have met these amazing people if I hadn't come on the trip.

The TA's and Dr. Wasser were always around and willing to give extra explanations. I think this extra-thorough teaching made me more interested and helped me remember small details that contributed to my success in the class. Those loooooong physiology review sessions (think: 3 hours or so!) were SO TERRIBLE but they were worth it!!

Because of all these external factors, I began to believe in myself when before the trip I was kind of letting the world run me over. And this new mentality carried over into my life: I ran in the Bonn marathon, I was successful in all my classes, and I wasn't afraid of trying new things!

The "icing on the cake" for this trip came at the end of the semester when we were presenting our device design projects to enmodes. Dr. Kauffman and his colleagues pulled me and Garrett aside at the end of the presentations and offered us positions to come back and intern with the company. We are planning on going next summer! So even though the journey has ended for now...it's only the first installation of what could turn into a saga.

Conclusion: I still don't know what I want to do with my life. Sigh. But I know now that I have options, and I have the determination to achieve them. I have new, amazing friends, a fantastic boyfriend, and a good life. I have a trip back to Germany planned already! How can I not be thankful for all of the wonderful things that happened through this trip? I'm so glad that I was able to go.

Favorite Memories:
Dance party with Cameron and Ana when we were studying for our final!
Prague beer-tasting where Ryan and I met a random British marathon runner and then he took us out to dinner because beer/nice people are nice. Also the Kozel beer, which was like a caramel frappachino beer basically.
Rooming with my buds Hazel and Jane in Vienna and staying up late talking about life.
Conversations with Koi because she is just the funniest and a sweetie!
When Ryan and I finally made it to the "South Bridge" on our run for the first time (this was my destination goal)
Running with Kunal in the Bonn Marathon and doing awesome! Furthest I've ever run in my LIFE!
Going out to the vet clinic with Koi and walking that little mini horse around.
Taking the train to Switzerland that followed the Rhine the whole way--so many scenic castles, etc!
and so many more!