50 Cities Later

When Dr. Wasser asked for these to be uploaded on July 1^st, I had not even returned to the U.S. yet. I spent two months travelling Europe after our program ended, so I wanted to give myself some time to rest at home in Texas before I put pen to paper and attempted to describe my semester. But honestly, I don’t think a few weeks or even a few months is enough time to be far enough removed from this immersive experience to begin to tell its effects. But I shall attempt.

Going to Italy before Germany and travelling after Germany taught me many lessons separately, but since this is a blog about Germany Biosciences, I’ll try to limit my reflection to that. The four months I spent in Germany were the hardest 4 months of my last 7. Dealing with loneliness, sickness of family members, bad grades and feelings of inadequacy while being abroad was extremely challenging. I’m not sure that anyone except Dr. Wasser knew just how difficult the semester was for me.

After an intolerably difficult 2018, I expected this semester abroad to fix all my problems. I had been pummeled with difficulties and loss and I thought I would finally just enjoy myself. When that turned out to be wrong, and I was met with more challenges than I expected, I took it hard. One particularly difficult night, I remember not being able to sleep, tossing and turning and convincing myself I could not succeed and I should just go home. The next day, I met with Dr. Wasser and saw a therapist that week. And that was the beginning of something very important to the remainder of my life.

Feeling like I had help on my side gave me newfound strength. Talking to Reagan and Sarah and Anna encouraged me. I began doing things that were good for me; calling my dad more, going for runs, talking to Ana and my host mom, writing, reading, listening to podcasts. Kevin and Ryan brought me so much comfort when I was overwhelmed. And the inspiration I got from watching the talents and humor of the rest of the students was helpful to my personal growth. I began working much harder and coming to terms with my struggles. I began to feel capable again.

In Croatia, when I was nearly done travelling, I met a girl who had just started. We talked about my semester abroad and when she asked if I would do it again if given the chance, I said yes. Hesitantly, I reflected and said yes. This was the first time I had ever been given something I could not run away from. I couldn’t quit, or leave, or drop the class, or avoid the argument. I had to face my own issues head-on. This semester was the first time there was no loophole for me, and the first time I realized that I didn’t need one.

At the end of the semester, I read my goals I had written down in January. A warm feeling buzzed inside me as I realized I had achieved them. I worked hard to learn German, I saw the good in all the participants, I valued experiences over money, and I did not quit.

Being in Germany strengthened me and confronted me with my own flaws. It opened my mind to the rest of the world in a way I thought I was already open. I realized that the American way of life has much room for improvement, and so does my mindset. While I do love and appreciate America, I’ve come to learn that our routine, judgmental ways keep us from experiencing life at its fullest. I have determined that not only do I wish to continue traveling, but I’d like to move away from this country for some time to serve a community I am not yet familiar with. In a few years, when this immersive semester has done more work in my life, I hope I can come back to this blog and be reminded of where it all began.