C. S. Lewis once said “Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when we look back everything is different.” So much is different now. I didn't realize how much I had changed in the past four months until I was talking about it with Erin in the Cologne train station. We both realized that we are so much more comfortable with the uncomfortable. After taking night trains that had transfers at 4am, running around cities on three hours of sleep, and just being willing to go on a trip without really having a plan on what to do I realized I don't stress over the little details anymore. I am perfectly content just seeing what an experience will have in store for me and just letting things happen.
This week started out with a lot of time spent in Starbucks as per usual. We had a third exam and four finals that we had to prepare for. All of the exams, except for genetics, went very well. Genetics blindsided all of us with the way the questions were asked and the material that was covered. I still think that it went alright though.
I turned 21 this week too. Several of us went out for Indian food and then went to John Barleycorn to drink and play darts. By the end of the night I was definitely drunk thanks to my friends but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Erin made sure I got home okay too. It was nice just going out and enjoying just one night off from studying. Plus I got to play darts which has quickly become one of my favorite things to do. Looking back at the pictures Jackson took at the end of the night makes me laugh every time. Erin and Kass both got me little gifts that were incredibly sweet and everyone else wished me a happy birthday. I couldn't have asked for better people to call friends.
I went on date with this guy that knew me from Starbucks and had been working up the courage to ask me for a few days. He was super sweet and it was interesting getting to know more about his home country, Iraq, and about his life in Germany. I can't say I felt anything special or any kind of spark though. It was just cool getting to talk to him before I left the country.
It's hard to fathom that I've already lived this life for 16 weeks and now it's time to return home. It almost doesn't really feel like home anymore though. I've missed my family and friends but I've also made friends over here and experienced so many new things. I don't have anything that is seriously pulling me back to the US yet. It's going to be an adjustment settling back into life in Texas. I know I'll miss the greenery of Germany. I'll also miss being able to hop on a train to visit a new country for the weekend. Returning home means that I have to face reality again and start making things happen so that I can get where I want to go in life with my career. My host dad helped put it in the perspective for me though. I told him that I wasn't necessarily ready to go back but that I knew I needed to. I was trying to find the words to explain how I felt and he said that it might be that I'm not ready to leave but that it's okay to leave. And it is okay. It's okay that I'm leaving this chapter of my life. It's okay that it's time to go back to Texas and pick up the life that was on pause. Things change, but that's life. All you can do is smile for what was and for what's still to come.
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