I remember the first email that came into my TAMU email about this program after I had been accepted as a transfer student. I remember thinking it sounded great but...I can't do that. There were so many reasons I couldn't do that. I'm not late teens or early 20's, I'm almost 35 years old and have a family, not just mom, dad and siblings I would be leaving here but a husband and four children. It was way too expensive and I would never be able to afford to study abroad. So many reasons that while it looked like a great opportunity it just wasn't for me.
Then Dr. Wasser came and gave a presentation about the program in our microbiology class and the "well, maybe" started to creep in. I really thought when I asked my husband about leaving the country for four months he would tell me College Station was far enough, but he didn't. I honestly thought I'd have to withdraw from the program for lack of financing before I had a real chance of being to go. Then things started to fall into place...
The last few months have been a ping pong game of Yes I am, No I'm not, Yes I am, No I'm not and finally YES I AM going to Germany. There have been so many hurdles and so many blessings to get me here but now if I can manage to get everything packed and it isn't so icy we can't make the drive to Dallas by some freak change of weather forecast I will be getting on a plane Monday morning and begin my journey to Germany.
Some of the same things that scare me or make me nervous about this trip are some of the same reasons I need to be going. I'm sure I have every anxiety of a "typical" age study abroad student, especially one that has never traveled internationally before. Then I have all the anxieties of a mom leaving her kids. I've been a mom for so long, I'm not sure I know how to not put my children first, but I also know that if I were to have chosen NOT to go I would be teaching my children that its okay to walk away from something because it makes you nervous or scares you. I've also been a wife for the last almost 12 years and I'm not sure how to not do that either because I married so young.
I'm not sure what expectations are about studying abroad. I hope to learn (or semi-learn) the language. I want to do new things or things I wouldn't be able to do here. I'm excited about the classes and the history. I really, really, really want to make one trip to Paris, France if things calm down there since my hometown is Paris, Texas. There are so many possibilities and I am going to do my best to enjoy every minute of everything!!
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