Born in the USA

Born in the USA

So I have been back in the U.S. for just over 8 weeks now, and it feels like it to me. My time in Bonn and travelling around Europe feels so far away to me, but I think I have taken on a good mentality about it, but I’ll get to that. Since I have been back, I have fallen back into my relationship smoothly, started a summer internship position and obtained some promising data, and been reacquainted with my childhood home in Albuquerque. I have spent lots of time with friends and family also.

So what changed?

I asked my parents a week or two after I got back if I seemed any different from before I left and they replied no. Their answer actually took me by surprise because I felt completely different. It is difficult for me to describe how I changed because I acknowledge that my physical appearance didn’t change and the only “recorded” knowledge I can point to is my transcript, but I will attempt it. Before I left for Germany, I felt like something about me wasn’t quite the way it should be. Somehow, I lacked a quality I couldn’t exactly explain, something I felt like my peers and friends all understood that I didn't. One of the first times I noticed the lack, I saw that a friend of mine had cooked meals for herself at a house as she housesat and she brought breakfast to the house. Every time I had housesat in the past, I would show up to feed the pets, water the plants, and sleep, but would really only fulfill the requirements and not much more. I never would have even considered providing for myself or living outside the tight boxes I set for myself. I left for Germany aware of this "absence" but unsure how to pinpoint it or alleviate it. However, when I went to Germany, I was pushed out of my comfort zone many times. First, I didn't speak the language at all, and while almost all Germans I interacted with did, a couple did not. Once I found myself alone and lost about a 40 minute tram ride from Bonn looking for an ATM. I asked a woman for directions where the nearest ATM was, first in English, then in broken German when it became clear that her vacant confused expression meant she didn't know English. She relayed directions to me, rather quickly in German, and I took the pieces that I understood and successfully found an ATM. I felt so accomplished in that moment. In another instance, I managed to remain cheerful and upbeat as I watched my friends run races I was unable to due to injuries. Every day abroad I was prompted to make decisions about where to eat, when to go home, how to organize my time, when to travel and to where, etc. My time officially became my own. I was responsible for myself and I slowly began to see the constricting box I had placed myself in and was able to start expanding it to include new experiences I wouldn't have imagined before. On one weekend, my friends and I decided to go traveling despite some large projects looming over us. We finished them on the trip there and back, stopping in McDonald's and Starbucks to use wifi and submit the required materials. As a poor summary, you could say that studying abroad in Germany allowed me to see more possibilities without immediately dismissing them as "impossible" or using excuses like "I'm too busy" or "that just wouldn't work". I became more independent and self-reliant. 

Additionally, while abroad I noticed that I have just as great of a repertoire of problem solving skills as most people. At TAMU I am able to call my parents if I had a bad day or needed help solving some problem that popped up. Also, I could google map anything, anywhere, anytime. In Germany, due to the time zone differences and my lack of data, I did not have that luxury. Instead, when a problem came up, like me getting onto the wrong train when embarking on a trip to Munich, I had to solve it myself with any resources I could find. I had friends around me, google translate in many cases, friendly German people, my host mom, etc. but I had to be the one to reach out. In most cases, I got good at context clues, like when the bus would announce something in German I didn't understand and I would pay attention to the reaction of the passengers around me to discover whether or not it was an ad, a small hickup, or if I needed to immediately get off. I relied on friends more and made deep friendships with many of the people in program and some German natives as well. 

I learned how to have more fun by improving my time management and allowing myself to travel and go out and experience what life has to offer. This fostered my love for city life and seeing the difference between cities. I discovered that I want to attend grad school and/or start my career in a much larger city that College Station with more things to do. I found that there is so much to do in the world that I should go out and experience all I can. Along those lines, I found a love for traveling and seeing the world. I discovered that I want to see a lot of new places. In the past, I had strong attraction to places where things had gone well for me and I had fond memories, but I discovered how much there is to see and all the things I want to do. My mentality changed to become almost the opposite; rather than wanting to return to my happy places, I want to see new places and experience as many new things as I can because I won't know if I love them more without trying them. Don't misunderstand me, I want to cherish the memories that I have made and will make and honor the places that I have been, but I now plan to do that by enjoying my time while I'm there rather than planning to return and do everything that I missed. 

So moving forward...

I hope to continue the growth that I experienced while in Germany by improving my time management skills even more so I am able to explore and do more fun things. I want to keep having new experiences, go to new bars, clubs, hangouts and even cities. I plan to continue to make new friends and extend my reach so I can meet as many different people as I possible can and understand the world better through their eyes. Overall, I want to continue to search out the uncomfortable until I can make any situation enjoyable.

My time in Germany was invaluable for me and I gained more than I hoped to. I set out not really knowing what to expect or what my goals were, and I gained so many tools to mend "broken" pieces of myself. I am infinitely grateful for my time spent there and I want to continue exploring.

On my list of places to see next are:

Backpacking across alps

Spain and Catalonia

Chile

Italy

England

Argentina

Australia