Retrospective

I think the best representation of how I feel about the program now that I've returned home is my continuing reluctance to write this post. Writing this post feels like an admission that the program really is over, and I must acknowledge that I'm home now despite how much I'd rather be back. It was funny because I know Dr. Wasser said that when we returned we likely wouldn't be able to shut up about our experiences, but it honestly took me some time after I got back to be able to talk freely about the program because reflecting upon it just made me so sad that it was over. The prospect of writing this has left me feeling much the same. 

Since returning to the States I’ve found myself seeking out experiences to trick myself into feeling like I’m back in Bonn. I’ve discovered there are a couple places in town where one can get imported Kӧlsch for instance. I’ve also taken to watching everything I possibly can in German. Netflix has German dubs for essentially all its originals and I found the actual German show Dark, or maybe Dunkel, which I love. It is helping me maintain my skill in German though, which is good because I don’t want to lose that before I go back again. I’ve also kept in touch with my host mother, Rosi. She helps me with my German as well, although writing with her can be difficult as she’s old and not great with technology. When she messages there’s no punctuation, so I must try to figure out where each sentence begins and ends. I don’t mind though, she’s sweet to continue to help me with my German, and it honestly probably helps my understanding more anyways to have to break it down like that.

Something I hadn’t expected about returning to classes at A&M was how weird the class environment feels now. It’s the strangest thing to me to go to a class and have most of the people in the room be complete strangers, even if that’s what I did for several semesters before Germany. It also feels like among the students there is a less earnest desire to learn the material presented than there was among us in the program, but maybe that was just my perception and not the reality abroad. I’ve also got to get used to not being able to get as much 1-on-1 time with my professors again.

I think the thing I miss most about Germany is the culture. It’s so different from here but I feel like it’s so much more earnest. In the States there is a social obligation to be nice in such superficial ways; asking strangers about their day, smiling at passersby, etc. In Germany the cultural norms tend far more towards courtesy than niceties; being quiet on public transportation, giving pedestrians right-of-way, and especially their famous punctuality. This difference just makes Germans feel so much nicer than Americans. Their passing kindnesses are much more genuine, and far less emotionally draining to participate in.

The biggest takeaway from this, I miss the hell out of Germany, Bonn in particular, and I can’t wait to go back. Which I absolutely will, maybe as a TA, hopefully as a graduate student at a German university. Then I can visit Rosi as well!