Reflection

My semester in Germany was easily the best experience I have ever had, and probably will be for a very long time. I was hoping to “find myself” on this trip. I can’t really say I even knew what that meant, but I was hoping to figure it out. This semester taught me several things about myself and about the rest of the world. The words I type could never come close to expressing just how amazing this experience was, but I will try to describe a few of the major ways last semester impacted me. I read over my first blog and it felt like I was reading someone else’s work for the first time. I guess even though my time in Germany seemed to fly by a lot did happen, and it really was a long time to be away.

The first thing that comes to mind when reflecting on the trip is that it made me realize how important it is for me to be independent and to discover. I’ve always been adventurous, but I think I held myself back because of other people. I had a hard time doing something if I didn’t have someone else by my side, no matter how badly I wanted to. This trip was the first time I was really on my own, and I really enjoyed getting to discover myself through simply living the way I wanted to. I allowed myself to make mistakes and had to push myself to make good decisions on my own. I think if you always rely on other people to make decisions you miss out on getting to mess up and be held responsible for it, and I have definitely learned more from being on my own than I could ever put into words. I just know that these experiences will be reflected in my future actions. I also learned that I am capable of being on my own. I found a new level of confidence to follow whatever path I find an interest in, and to allow my dreams to guide me.

I also learned how much I truly crave that kind of adventure. This lesson hit hard when I arrived back in America and found myself feeling like something had gone missing from my life. I thought it would be relaxing to come home to a familiar place with nothing to do, but I felt restless almost immediately. I tried to figure out what exactly I was missing, and I think it was the discoveries I made, and constantly learning. Seeing new places for the first time, trying new things, meeting new people, and taking exciting classes. It was like constantly opening presents. It was amazing how much I missed learning even after one week of sitting at home. Physiology class was exciting for me. The body is more complicated than you could ever imagine, and then somehow everything just works. I liked getting to learn in different environments and in “the real world.” There’s something about getting a lecture on Sigmund Freud in his own house, or learning about historical remedies while recreating them, or seeing artificial hearts being tested after the cardiovascular unit in physiology class, that brings learning into a new light. The excursions we took allowed me to take a step back from typical methods of learning and get a view of the big picture; the purpose behind what we are doing; the goal.

This leads to something else I got from the semester: affirmation in my choice of major. I found myself excited about every plan we had that was biomedical-related. Everything we got to learn in the classroom, on our own, and especially the hands-on learning was so fascinating. Working on a design with an engineering team and then presenting it to a company was the kind of work I can see myself doing in the future, and it was great to get to try it out and experience this kind of engineering (and its struggles). The most exciting part of the entire semester for me was visiting the cardiovascular department in Aachen. This was the first time I had felt such a strong sense of confidence in where I belong. I was so interested in everything we saw there, and I knew I had made the right decisions in choosing biomedical engineering as my major and coming on this trip. I wish I could better describe the feeling that overwhelmed me on that tour. I guess simply put, I felt passion for what I want to do.

 My passion for biomedical engineering, aside from it being complex and interesting, stems from my passion for people. Even though I am a bit shy around people I don’t know, I love meet new people. Everyone has a story and a complicated personality and I love to get to know people and learn about their lives. It was fun to get to meet people in different countries and see how their perspectives differ. I was often surprised by both similarities and differences between people in Europe and people back home. I have also noticed that you see a people in a different light when you are an outsider versus being part of them. My perception of the German people changed as I became more affiliated with them, as did my perception of Americans the more I distanced myself from that label.

One of the last things we did on the trip was also one of the most significant. There are many reasons to study abroad. Several of them I have already discussed. But on one of the last excursions we did, I finally understood why we were there. We visited the bridge at Remagen, which had been turned into a peace museum. The German people are very sensitive about war, for obvious reasons, and this really influences several aspects of their lifestyle and way of thinking. I think they possess a certain quality because of their past that most Americans lack. They are more sensitive. At the peace museum Dr. Wasser gave a moving talk at the top of one of the towers. The room was a somewhat simple display, but with great gravity. On one side of the room there was a poster listing the lives lost in World War II by different countries; the magnitude of the numbers was astonishing and basically incomprehensible. The other side the wall was filled with countless plaques each naming a war that has occurred since the end of World War II. The message was, “don’t we learn?” I wish I could relate to you the words that Dr. Wasser spoke to us in there. I wish I remembered more of it. I do remember the feeling we shared in that room. With tears in my eyes I felt a combination of sorrow and hope. Sorrow for the wall of plaques and the realization that despite the tragic events of the past, conflict continues. Hope for the comment that Dr. Wasser made, that this is why we do this program. He told us that his generation had failed but ours could make a difference. If everyone made an effort to get to know people who are different from them and understand their way of thinking, like we did as we assimilated into the German culture, imagine how many conflicts could be avoided.

I am not a writer. Even if I were, there would be no way to put my experience last semester into words on a page. My semester was so much more than just words, it was people and places and thoughts and feelings. It was traveling to a new world and leaving with the realization that it was not a new world at all. We are all people with similarities that bring us together and differences that make life worth living.